Party of Seven

I don't often sit back and think about the size of my family. I mean, sure I think about it in numbers (Five kids! Seven people!) but I don't feel like I have a big family. We are together all the time and it can get overwhelming, but even when they are all vying for a place on my lap during story time I never think, "Oh my gosh I have so many kids!" I simply have all of the children that I have, no more, no less. 

But looking over the family photos that my good friend Jessica Shurts took for us this winter, it suddenly struck me... I truly do have my own brood! For some reason, seeing us all together in one photo as a nicely coordinated family of seven gave me a brief glimpse of what our family looks like from the outside. And for some reason the jump from four to five was a big one, visually, even for me.

At Audrey's ballet class last week, I was chatting with one of the dads there. He was commenting on how cute and smiley Blaise was. I talked about his colicky early days, how much his big sister loved him, and then came the inevitable question: "So is he your second baby?" 

After a moment of inner turmoil I attempted to respond nonchalantly, "No, our fifth. He has two big brothers and another sister." 

"Oh. Wow." the man responded, and he was off like a shot. 

Another day, I took all of the kids to Caribou coffee for a treat before our library visit. We all trotted in and I ordered drinks while trying to keep Edith out of the chips, rock the stroller back and forth to keep Blaise happy, and direct the big three to some chairs by the fire. We got looks from everyone in the place; a mom with her five kids out in public is something to notice! I tried not to feel self-conscious. 

My natural inclination is to take offense when someone comments on (or reacts to) my family's size. I assume they are judging my lifestyle choice, and I feel the need to show how well behaved my children are. "See? I can handle having five kids! Watch me!" I figure they are having all sorts of thoughts about my irresponsibility or religious indoctrination or some other hogwash, and I get mad. But looking at our family photos this year gave me a lightning bolt of a realization.

I have a big family! It's just a fact. 

The reality is that when people see or hear about the size of my family, they are probably just reacting to the fact that not many people have five kids anymore! It's surprising and unusual. But since when is it bad to be surprising and unusual? 

Strangers don't see the individual children that I see; they simply see a horde of little kids or hear a big number, and react to that. I have been given the blessing of being able to raise these five little souls, and I know them better than anyone else on earth knows them. I see each as an irreplaceable individual, but I can't expect any random person to have that same ability. 

My goal for myself this year is to proudly own the fact that I have a big family. I will revel in the surprise that it causes when people find out. I will assume the best when I encounter those who see us as unusual, and I will continue to love on these five gorgeous children that God has blessed us with!