Super

Note: This post is about my experience and only my experience. I'm not trying to make any sweeping statements about what it takes to be a good mom, only what I have found I need to do to be the best mom for my kids. 

It's been a rough week. More accurately a rough couple months, on and off. It seems that since I've been feeling better and getting my energy back, my kids decided it was time to let me have it for abandoning them for so long. Max has come out with this new attitude since turning six, and it has been a scary foreshadowing of what it might be like to have a teenager. I ask him to do something, he looks straight at me, and then walks away without doing what I asked. Or if he does decide to do what I asked (usually this involves trying to get out of the house to get somewhere), he gets lost between my instructions and the follow through. I say, "Max, please go find your boots." He wanders off to (presumably) look for his boots and then spots an interesting book lying in his path. Boots? What boots? I decided that if he was a superhero, his name would be Dr. Distracto.

Lucian, also known as Captain Foghorn (if we're sticking with the superhero theme), can go from zero to sixty in less than a second. Wrong flavor of yogurt? End of the world. Jacket laid out wrong? How dare you, Mom. And his whine is no regular whine, it is ear-splitting. If he wants to be heard, he will be heard. And he will make everyone else's life miserable in the process.

And then there's The Invisible Woman. Dear, sweet little Audrey. At home I can handle her pretty well... but in public? She has a fascination with going where I've asked her not to go, and going there as quickly as possible, as soon as I turn my back. I've lost her in the library more times than I can count. She thinks it's hilarious.

Lately I've been telling myself that I need a mental break. I need to take a personal day, or a personal week. I need to get away from these little children who are driving me crazy. But it came to me rather suddenly that a break from my children is actually the last thing that I need. Spending more time away from them in order to solve a problem that began by not spending enough time with them? It makes no sense. Sure, it would be nice while I was gone... I can almost picture the joy of using the bathroom all by myself. And how amazing would it be to fix only one breakfast in the morning, rather than fourteen? (My children, especially Lucian, are Hobbits at heart.)

But I would return to the same problem that I had left. My kids are acting up, and I firmly believe it is because I haven't been mentally present for some time now. I am trying to give them as much of my time, as much of myself as I can, and I believe we will get back to where we were. I will work on my patience by dealing with the issues that bother me, rather than dreaming of an escape. I will look at my little superheroes and, rather than seeing only the single trait that is making my life difficult at the moment, I will notice the incredible gifts they have to offer to the world. (Because they really are pretty super, aren't they?)